cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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