my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
