I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
