Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
