I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
