i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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