4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
