So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I cockslap morals
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
