2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
