i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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