Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
