so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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