Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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