Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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