how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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