He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wish you could order shots online.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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