I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
