I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
