So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
