so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
