Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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