We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
