dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
