you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
