Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
