i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
