I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
