you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
