I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
