She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
