i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm sobbing to NWA
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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