Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
