it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
