dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
