return my video game
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
