Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
