When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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