When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
