Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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