wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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