i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
