Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
