a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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