Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
