omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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