and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
