yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
