when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
