Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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