bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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