Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
